What Spiders Know that Moms Forget

Moms are amazing. They birth babies. They make milk. They keep their household humming.

But spiders are pretty savvy, too. They spin silk. They weave webs. They provide for public pest control.

I’m not saying spiders are smarter than moms, but many mothers — myself included — could learn a few things from spiders in general and from one spider in particular: Charlotte A. Cavatica, the extraordinary and especial friend of Wilbur the Pig.

Life is Full of Changes

The sooner we accept this fact, the better. Seasons change. Circumstances change. Friends come and go. We grow older. Children leave home. Time passes. There is no stopping it.

Charlotte lived her life to the fullest, savoring the small pleasures each day presented. She chose to be grateful for what she had instead of resentful over what she lacked. Shouldn’t we do the same?

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

The Work Never Ends

A spider doesn’t build one web and expect it to last forever. She knows her work must be done and redone (sort of like laundry and housecleaning), and she labors at it without complaint.

This is the nature of both life and work: both call for much repetition. Grumbling about that fact does not make the tasks any easier.

“Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” – Colossians 3:23

Calm Begets Calm

When Wilbur first learned that he was destined for Zuckerman’s dinner table, he went immediately and understandably berserk. His hysterics might have worked the entire farmyard into a frenzy had Charlotte’s coolheaded composure not diffused the situation. Her confident reassurances helped soothe the pig’s nerves and settle him down.

That’s the sort of woman I want to be: not one who is easily agitated or upset, but one whose presence calms and comforts everyone around me.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
– Michael Caine

Worrying Won’t Solve Anything

Worrying may be many mothers’ modus operandi, but it accomplishes nothing except to make yourself and everyone around you miserable. And to what end? “Which of you, by worrying, can add a single moment to your life?” (Luke 12:25)

Charlotte told Wilbur — just as Jesus tells us — to STOP worrying. She would save him; he needn’t fret or despair. She suggested Wilbur attend instead to matters over which he exercised some measure of control: he should eat well, chew slowly, get plenty of sleep, and keep fit (all very good advice, indeed).

She assured him it would all work out. She would find a solution. He could sleep in peace. And to the degree Wilbur was able to trust her promises, he was able to rest undisturbed.

“Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” – Philippians 4:6

Patience Is a Virtue

Charlotte was no slacker. She was a meticulous craftsman, versatile and industrious. She knew how to work.

But she also knew how to wait. She didn’t expect immediate results or instant gratification. Even after her web was spun and her trap was set, she realized it might be awhile before some stray bug became ensnared in it. But she was content to wait. She was patient.

She tackled Wilbur’s problem in that same methodical, unhurried manner. She thought about it. She mulled it over. She gave it careful consideration. She slept on it. She hung upside down, so her blood would go to her brain, and patiently waited for an idea to come. She fully expected a solution would eventually occur to her. And in time, it did.

We live in a culture that worships speed. We want everything, and we want it now. But faster is not necessarily better. Those things we gain instantly and with little effort are seldom as satisfying as those for which we must work and wait.

Waiting builds patience. Patience is good. And the most important things in life take time.

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” – John Quincy Adams

Mind What Matters Most

Like other spiders, Charlotte could spin silk with five times the tensile strength of steel (pound for pound). With it, she constructed webs that were absolute marvels of engineering. With the webs, she fought against all manner of menaces to society: pesky flies, disease-spreading mosquitoes, and various other annoying insects.

But unlike other spiders, Charlotte was also a good speller. She wrote words that attracted the attention of folks far and wide. The messages she worked into her webs were photographed and publicized in headline news. And the entire ploy allowed her to strategically and single-handedly save the life of her endangered friend.

Yet in Charlotte’s estimation, all these other accomplishments paled in comparison to the importance of giving life to the next generation. She recognized that soft, white, inconspicuous egg sac for what it truly was — her most lasting achievement, her greatest work, her magnum opus.

And here again, Charlotte was right on target.

“Many people want to leave a better world for their children. I’m trying to leave better children for my world.” – Carlos Slim

I had hoped to publish this post on Mother’s Day, but I was too busy mothering to finish it in time. Instead of writing,I was taking family bike rides, cheering at basketball games, bandaging boo-boos, and tutoring math. I was folding laundry, preparing meals, sweeping floors, and shopping for groceries. I was reading stories, giving baths, rubbing backs, and singing lullabies. And I was spending alone-time with my husband, in hopes of maybe even conceiving again!

In other words, I was doing all those things mothers do that normally go unnoticed: Things that seldom make national headlines or attract public attention. Stuff that — unless I photograph, tweet, or update my status — won’t get liked on Facebook or pinned on Pinterest.

These tasks, taken individually, appear rather ordinary and mundane. But cumulatively, they amount to my most important work of all.

And doesn’t that job deserve to be done with my whole heart?

25 Ways to Raise Capable, Confident Children

The fourth of our twelve children will be leaving the nest in another couple of months, and it has my husband and me reexamining the job we have done (thus far) raising our children.

Of course, we’ve made lots of mistakes (that’s another post for another day), but by the abundant grace of God (and by following the great example that our own parents modeled for us), there are many things we’ve done right — things we want to make sure we continue to do as we train up the remaining eight children still under our care.

And so I offer you “25 Ways to Raise Capable, Confident Children.” These are in no particular order, beyond the first, which should be our starting point in every endeavor:

1. Pray without Ceasing:
   Parenting is one of the most demanding (and most rewarding) jobs any of us will ever do. As such, it requires an extra measure of wisdom from above, as well as strength, endurance, and consistency. Pray for yourself, but pray also for and with your children. The best parenting practices in the world will fall flat apart from God’s blessing. Pray that He will soften your children’s heart, that He’ll give them a teachable spirit, that He’ll begin this work early, and that He’ll be faithful to complete it, as He promises in His word. (Philippians 1:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
2. Clearly Define the Rules:
   Make sure your children know what you expect of them, then oblige them to obey cheerfully and completely. Well-established and consistently-enforced boundaries are both a protection and a comfort. Do not allow children to disregard the rules without consequence, or to speak to parents (or anyone else) in a disrespectful manner. Bad behavior should be penalized and good behavior should be rewarded. (Ephesians 6:1)
3. Teach Them to Listen:
   Everything in life comes more easily to a child who knows how to pay attention. Fortunately, listening is a skill which can be practiced from infancy — train your baby to track your voice as you call his name from one side then the other, play “Simon Says” with your toddler, insist that your energetic grade-schooler stand still and make eye contact when you are giving him instructions, call your teen by name and use a key phrase (such as, “Listen to my words…”) to communicate the fact that what you are about to say is important and should be taken to heart. (Proverbs 4:1)
4. Bid Them Be Happy:
   Cultivate contentment in your children, and you will all live happily ever after. No whining allowed! If you make certain your child’s whining is never rewarded, he will cease to do it. Conversely, when you give in to whining, you reward and reinforce the very behavior that drives most of us crazy and thereby encourage your kids to whine all the more. Of course, it should go without saying that we need to maintain a happy, positive attitude ourselves. The irony of an enraged parent screaming at a child, “Why can’t you just be happy?” is not lost, even on very small children.(Philippians 2:14)
5. Nurture Your Marriage:
   One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother, and vice versa. If you are married, do all that you can to invest in and safeguard that relationship. Let your children know that you are 100% committed to making sure your marriage lasts. Kids who are given cause to doubt that fact spend a lot of emotional and psychological energy worrying that their parents may divorce (then feeling somehow responsible when they do). This can completely undermine a child’s sense of stability and security and will often sidetrack the normal development of confidence and competency in multiple areas. (Mark 10:7-9)
6. Show Them You Care:
   Dr. Anthony Witham once said, “Children spell love T-I-M-E,” and it is true. Spend time with your kids, individually (use errands as an opportunity for one-on-one time) and as a group. Get excited about the things that excite or fascinate them. Take delight in their company, and let them see that delight in you eyes and your smile and your manner. Children need quality and quantity time, so give them plenty of both. There is no substitute for your intentional, fully-invested presence in the life of your child. (Isaiah 49:15)
7. Put Them to Work:
   Assign household chores. Give them real and increasing responsibility from as young an age as possible. Kids who do chores grow up to be more successful than those who don’t. One of the most important lessons you can teach your child is to work hard and to take pleasure in a job well done. (Colossians 3:23)
8. Enjoy Them at Play:
   Regularly enter into your child’s world of play. Take pleasure in relaxing with your children, especially after they’ve spent time working alongside you. Get up a rousing game of catch or tag or Spoons or Scrabble. Shoot hoops in the driveway or toss a frisbee at the park. Work a puzzle together. Teach your child how to play chess or bridge or dominoes. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
9. Encourage Them to Try New Things:
   Expose your children to as broad a range of experience as you are able: music, sports, travel, missions, charity, social and cultural events, etc. This will furnish them with a more well-rounded view of the world and will hopefully make it easier for them to find their place in it. Give them the freedom and the tools to pursue the things that pique their interest. Let them know that by God’s grace, they can do anything they set their minds to. (Philippians 4:13)
10. Point Them to Scripture:
    Let the Word of God permeate, influence, and inform every facet of family life. Read the Word of God to your children. Teach it to them diligently. Memorize it as a family. This is something that comes especially easy to children, so take advantage of that fact! Hide God’s Word in your heart. (Deuteronomy 11:18-21, Psalm 119:11)
11. Protect Them from Harm:
    Vigilantly guard your kids against harmful influences, as well as physical threats. This is fairly easy when they are little, while you still enjoy complete control over their schedules, you pick all their friends for them, and they have not yet discovered a way around those child-proof locks (a skill some kids acquire at an exasperatingly young age). This task becomes more challenging, though no less important, as children grow older and begin to make most choices themselves. Even then, parents should be aware of the company their children keep, the movies they watch, the music they listen to, and the websites they frequent — not for the purpose of micro-managing or being legalistic (that plan will backfire, for sure), but in order to discuss freely and frankly any potential hazards of which parents are aware. (Ezekiel 33:6, Proverbs 4:14-15)
12. Help Them Stay Healthy:
    Work to establish good habits in the areas of diet, sleep, exercise, and hygiene. Feed your children square meals, and if you want to nourish their souls as well as their bodies, preserve the family dinner hour. Use it as an opportunity to discuss and dissect the day’s events, both within your family circle and in the world at large. Teens whose families eat dinner together at least five times per week are far less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or engage in other risky behavior. They also tend to eat more fruit and vegetables then children in families who do not consistently dine together.
13. Give Them Good Manners:
    Common courtesy and respect are no longer as common as they ought to be. Teach your children to say “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” “you’re welcome,” “yes, ma’m,” and “no, sir.” Well-behaved kids are such a novelty these days. Good manners make a young person stand out in a crowd in a more memorable way than the wildest tattoo or body piercing can ever do. (1 Timothy 4:12)
14. Read Them Great Books:
    Read well-written and beautifully illustrated picture books aloud to your children when they are little, yes, but continue to read engaging novels, inspiring biographies, and thought-provoking non-fiction aloud, even after they grow too big for your lap. Children are never too old to be read to, so choose well and discuss at length. Sharing books together this way is the surest way to foster in your kids a lifetime love for reading, which itself opens whole new worlds of knowledge and experience to them. Thanks to public libraries, this is a practice even the poorest of families can afford.
15. Equip Them to Lead:
    Stress the importance of integrity, humility, self-discipline, and willingness to stand alone. Model servant-leadership, and challenge them to follow Christ’s example, who came not to be served, but to serve. Encourage them to take initiative and do things that need to be done without being asked. (Mark 10:45, Philippians 2:3-8)
16. Treat Them with Understanding:
    Kids are people, too! Be patient with your children and treat them with kindness. Do not be unnecessarily harsh with them, and be quick to forgive when they repent of wrongdoing. Be sympathetic. Try to remember what it was like to be in their shoes.(Ephesians 6:4, Ephesians 4:32)
17. Turn Off the TV:
    Set reasonable limits on screen time of any sort, including but not limited to television, computers, smart phones, tablets, and video games. It would probably be both unrealistic and impractical to attempt to eliminate all electronic media usage from our homes, but any child who spends 53 hours a week staring at a screen could probably find something more productive to do with much of that time. (Psalm 90:12)
18. Inspire Good Sportsmanship:
    Teach them to lose with grace and to win with humility, conscious that their natural talents and abilities are gifts from above. Stress the importance of always playing fairly and if you must err, err in favor of your opponent. Better to lose the game than to be thought a cheater. (Philippians 2:15)
19. Lead Them by Example:
    Model for your children the character and behavior you wish them to exhibit, but do not pretend to be perfect (or expect your children to be). Be honest about personal flaws and quick to admit mistakes, apologizing and asking your children’s forgiveness when you wrong them. (1 John 1:8-10)
20. Train Them to Think:
    Education is more than regurgitating facts; our kids must also learn to reason and to think through things on their own. We can ask questions of them to help the process along (Socratic method), but we must not shy away from their asking questions of us, as well. Anticipate, encourage, and answer their inquiries in a way that is intellectually honest, morally upright, scientifically accurate, and neither defensive nor overly-dramatic. And for those questions for which we have no good answer? Admit you don’t know, then pray about the matter and search for a solution together. (Jeremiah 33:3)
21. Grant Them Some Space:
    Beginning with letting your two-year-old choose what she wants to wear, allow your children to make their own decisions whenever possible, and be supportive of their choices. You can offer your kids guidance and encouragement without smothering and micromanaging them. But be forewarned: Their thoughts, tastes, and values may not always line up with yours 100%, which is okay. They are individuals and are entitled to have their own hopes and dreams and opinions. Parents can reserve the right to overrule younger children whenever they deem it necessary, but as your kids grow, look for ways they can express their individuality in a manner that is acceptable to both of you. (Romans 14:5)
22. Bless Your Children:
    Let your sons and daughters know that you are proud of them. Don’t get so focused on correcting your children when they do wrong that you forget to praise them when they do right. Our kids never outgrow the need for approval and affirmation, so give it freely. (Genesis 27:34)
23. Don’t Overreact:
    Whether your toddler takes a spill while learning to walk or your grade-schooler makes a C on his spelling test or your teenager makes a wrong turn while learning to drive, swallow your fears. Remember that we ALL have mishaps and we ALL make mistakes — surely this one is not the end of the world. Don’t be negligent and reckless, but don’t be hovering and over-protective either. Keep calm and carry on! Take failures in stride and don’t give in to worrying.(Philippians 4:6)
24. Entrust Them to God:
    Instill in your children a clear vision of what they can accomplish for God’s glory. Do your best to give them an eternal perspective. Pass them the baton. Our kids are in His hands: only by His grace do any of our efforts succeed.
25. Let Them Grow Up:
    Our ultimate goal is not to raise oversized children, but to raise mature, responsible adults. This will not happen overnight. Neither can you expect to cling tightly until the day your child turns 18 (or 21 or 30), and then let go all at once. It is a gradual process, like the letting out of kite string. Keep a firm hold on the end while they are younger, yes, but be willing to spool out the thread smoothly and steadily as needed. (Proverbs 22:6, Luke 16:10)

So that’s my list. Is there anything you would add? Leave off? What types of things have you found most helpful in raising capable, confident children?

Enough with the Excuses

I don’t know who said it, but it’s true:

“If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.”

Lots of wives have become experts at making up excuses to avoid something that’s extremely important to their husband. Don’t be one of them.

Not Tonight, Dear…

I’ve got a headache.
I’m too tired.
I’m having PMS.
I couldn’t think of making love when the house is such a mess.
The baby’s sick.
Your mother called.
I’ve got too much to do.
I think I’d rather cuddle — is that alright with you?

It’s freezing cold.
My back is sore.
I need to wash my hair.
The children have a soccer game, and I’ve no time to spare.
I’ve got to shop –
Our pantry’s bare.
The kids are still awake.
Besides, we had sex yesterday — tonight, I need a break.

Excuses, excuses! Some are valid, some are lame.
In the end, it matters not – the result is still the same.
We’d find a way, if sex were at the top of our to-do’s,
But since it’s not, we wrack our brains to dream up some excuse!

The toilet’s clogged.
It’s hot and muggy.
I’ll be late for work.
Forget it! I’m still mad at you — you know you’ve been a jerk.
My legs need shaving.
I feel fat.
I’m under too much stress.
We’ve barely finished dinner, Dear, let’s let our food digest.

You must be kidding.
I’m upset.
Just wait for Friday night.
The bills are due. We need a budget. Money’s getting tight.
I’ll miss my show.
Go take a shower.
Please don’t think me rude:
Sweetheart, it’s nothing personal — I’m just not in the mood!

Excuses, Excuses, to keep your man at bay—
The devil will supply them if you can’t think what to say.
When wives won’t give their husbands sex, then everybody loses,
But Heaven’s floodgates open when we stop making excuses!

In Praise of the Manly Man

My husband and I had a lovely Valentine’s Day yesterday. He brought me roses and a huge box of chocolates, then took me out for dinner and a movie.

I wrote him a poem.

It’s not the first poem I’ve given him for Valentine’s Day, and it probably won’t be the last.

Although I wrote it specifically for my husband, it is really a tribute to all men like him — men who are not afraid to BE MEN in an age when masculinity is sometimes frowned upon.

So keep up the good work, guys! The world wouldn’t be the same without you!

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Hip! Hooray for the manly man!
He is tall, dark, and handsome, and tan.
    Though he’s covered in hair,
    Like a big teddy bear,
    He’s a softy inside,
    Where his feelings reside
    For the joy of his life –
    His dear children and wife –
Whom he loves just as much as he can.
             He can.
Yes, he loves them as much as he can.

Three cheers for the masculine male.
Yes, he cares for his family well,
     A-sweatin’ all day
     As he labors away,
     Comes home when he’s able,
     Puts food on the table:
     Potatoes and meat –
     That’s what he’ll want to eat,
Just as soon as he’s looked through the mail,
             The mail,
He will dine when he’s done with the mail.

Give it up for the gentlemen’s gent!
Whether living in mansion or tent,
     His home is his castle
     And packed with a passel
     Of children who love him
     And think highly of him,
     And brag that their dad
     Is the best to be had.
(They’d go on, but their breath is all spent –
             All spent –
They’d say more, but their breath is all spent).

All hail to the heart-throbbing hunk!
He has oodles of vigor and spunk!
     He’s brave. He’s courageous.
     His laugh is contagious.
     He brings his wife candy;
     With tools he is handy:
     Have burgers? He’ll grill ‘em.
     See spiders? He’ll kill ‘em.
Flat tire? The spare’s in his trunk.
             His trunk.
He’ll exchange it for one in his trunk.

Bravo for the noblest knight.
In his armor, so shining and bright,
     He is savvy and smart,
     And he has a big heart.
     He provides and protects
     And he likes to have sex
     With his wife who adores him
     And never ignores him.
‘Tis perfectly fitting and right.
             So right.
To ignore him just wouldn’t be right.

Hurrah for the hale husbandman –
A sublime and superb specimen.
     His wife knows her place
     And she fills it with grace,
     Her heart full of pride
     As she labors beside
     This burly, this brawny
     (His muscles aren’t scrawny),
This strong, strapping stud of a man.
             A man,
This amazing, magnanimous man.

He’s a man among men,
So let’s hear it again,
For this jovial jock
Of superior stock!
     This gallant galoot
     With his size-13 boot.
     My captain. My chief.
     My heart-stealing thief.
How blest to be wedded
And faithfully bedded
By so great a talent,
So virile, so valiant!
     He’s stable and steady.
     He’s rugged! He’s ready!
     Robust and red-blooded!
     My heart’s simply flooded
With love for this marvelous man.
             This man.
This magnificent, masculine man!

            - Jennifer Flanders
              February 14, 2013

HOPE for Hurting Marriages

I’m over at The Laundry Moms this weekend writing about HOPE for Hurting Marriages.

Marriages are under assault today like never before. Even rock-solid relationships are not immune to attack, whether those attacks come from without or within.

It is possible to safeguard our marriages and to protect our homes and families from the forces that would seek to destroy them. Want to know how?

Read the whole article and find out four things you can do today to fortify your marriage and keep it standing strong.

The Art of Leadership (and a Book Giveaway)

Shortly before we married, my husband’s grandmother attempted to teach me how to tat.

For those unfamiliar with this dying art form, tatting is a very tedious, time-consuming method of handcrafting intricate lace using fine cotton thread wound about a two-inch shuttle. This shuttle is woven in and out and around the loose end of string until a delicate web of loops and knots begins to take shape.

At least, that is how it’s supposed to work. I never got the hang of it myself. Nanny refused to let me keep the shuttle in my hands long enough to figure it out. No sooner did I get the cotton threaded through my fingers than she would snatch it away.

“Not like that! Like this! Now watch!”

I was allowed three fleeting attempts before she announced that “some people just aren’t cut out for this sort of thing,” plucked the shuttle from my fingers, and locked it away in her secretary for good. So my first and only tatting lesson was a miserable failure.

It wasn’t because I lacked coordination—my fine motor skills were superb. It wasn’t because I hadn’t the patience for such intricate work—I’d been making fine lace for years using a crochet needle with a microscopic hook. It wasn’t because my mind couldn’t grasp the complicated stitches — I’d done needlework (with a pen in hand for taking notes) through all my college classes and still graduated summa cum laude with a degree in mathematics. It wasn’t because I lacked interest or time or aptitude or creativity or resolve.

No, the only reason I failed at tatting is because my husband’s spirited little grandma — bless her heart — couldn’t stand to watch me struggle. She insisted on showing me how to do it again and again and again, and in the process prevented my ever learning how to do it myself.

I wonder how many husbands feel in their marriages the way I felt on the couch next to Nanny that night?

How many men would love to lead their families — they’re capable, ready, and willing to do so — but their wives refuse to hand over the reins? How many are never given the opportunity to prove themselves, because their wives fear they’ll fail, or won’t do things the way the wife thinks they should be done? How many find the power struggle that ensues so enormously frustrating that they’re ready to give up even trying?

Few men enter marriage as experts in the management of a household. Whatever experience they get must be gained through on-the-job training.

Do your husband a favor and follow his lead. Be supportive of the decisions he makes instead of arguing for your own way or trying to second-guess him. Cheer him on enthusiastically, give him room to grow, and you will find that his skill for leadership — like any other artistic ability — will improve with practice.

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The above post is adapted from my book, Love Your Husband/Love Yourself: Embracing God’s Purpose for Passion in Marriage. Haven’t read it yet? Then enter this giveaway for a chance to win a free copy.

New Year’s Resolutions We All Should Make

I’m all for making lists of specific goals, but sometimes general reminders are in order, as well. Try posting these objectives on a bulletin board and reviewing them daily until they become automatic responses. (For a free printable copy, click here.)

1. Smile More

2. Spend Less

3. Stay Active

4. Don’t Worry

5. Eat Smarter

6. Pray Harder

7. Hug Your Loved Ones

8. Count Your Blessings

9. Listen Before Speaking

10. Admit When You’re Wrong

Best wishes for a healthy, happy, and productive New Year. Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you’ll visit often in 2013!

Love in Action

Can you believe it? Another Christmas come and (very nearly) gone! Ours ended up being white this year — a surprising and delightful rarity here in Texas.

When you take down your tree and lights and stockings over the next few days, I hope you’ll be mindful not to pack away your Christmas spirit along with the decorations. As noted in the poem “Let Every Day Be Christmas,” that peace-on-earth-good-will-toward-men attitude is something we should carry in our hearts all year through:

Christmas is forever,
not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving,
are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel,
in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others
is good you do yourself.

So I pray that the remainder of your Christmas, plus all the days that follow, will be characterized by love and joy and giving. And may “God bless us, every one!”

7 Reasons to Prioritize Sex in Marriage

Here’s a handy chart that details just a few of the myriad benefits available to couples who choose not to neglect marital intimacy. I’ve addressed these remarks to wives because (1) I am writing to women in the spirit of Titus 2:3-5 and (2) when evaluating the importance of sex in marriage, women have historically required a little more convincing then men.

Of course, there are exceptions to almost every rule, so if you’re dealing with a disinterested husband, show this list to him, since rekindling that fire will benefit him as much as it will you.

It should also be noted that when sex is pursued outside the context of marriage, many of these benefits are negated or even reversed. Promiscuity and infidelity increase your susceptibility to disease, cause premature aging, erode trust and stability in marriage, and promote unhealthy attitudes towards sex and marriage in children, to name just a few.

You’ll find details on all the studies cited above (and more!) in my book, LOVE YOUR HUSBAND/ LOVE YOURSELF.

Which of the seven benefits mentioned in this infographic do you find most appealing? Most convicting?

7 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My Husband

I’m telling my age to admit it, but my first computer was a Radio Shack TRS-80 Model 100. Back in the early 80′s, all incoming freshmen at Dallas Baptist University were required to buy one and to take a class that would teach us to use it.

Nevertheless, it was not until I met my future husband (three years and countless computer-printed assignments later) that I learned anything about the machine’s text-wrapping capabilities. For six long semesters, I’d kept a furtive watch on the LCD display and hit “return” every time the curser got close to the right-hand side of the screen, a holdover habit from years spent using a manual typewriter.

Within days of our first meeting, however, Doug observed my unusual approach to word processing and gently informed me that, if I would just keep typing, the text would automatically bump down to the next line without my doing anything to make it happen.

That one little pointer saved me massive amounts of time, completely revolutionized the way I did homework, and contributed even further to my rapidly growing affection for the guy I’d eventually marry.

What’s more, this was but the first of innumerable things he would teach me. Subsequent lessons have ranged from the practical (how to change the oil in my car, how to serve a volleyball, how to fend off an armed attacker) to the profound (how should our faith influence our actions? what does it mean to serve God with our whole heart? how can we most effectively communicate His love to others?).

Some of these concepts are just too good to keep to myself, so I’ve decided to publish seven of my favorites in a series of posts devoted to the “Life Lessons I’ve Learned from My Husband.” You’ll find a brief synopsis of each listed below:

1. Keep Your Eyes on the Ball -
   You must stay focused on your goals if you ever hope to reach them.
2. Laughter is Good Medicine -
   A sense of humor makes good times more pleasant and bad times more bearable.
3. You Can Learn a Lot by Reading Fiction -
   I used to think that reading fiction was a waste of time; now I know otherwise.
4. Perfectionism Is a Trap -
   There are lots of areas in life where “good enough” should be good enough.
5. Always Tip Your Waiter Well -
   Good service deserves it; poor service will be improved by it.
6. God Wants the Whole Pie -
   He’ll never be satisfied with a single piece, no matter how big or promptly offered.
7. It’s Only Money -
   Our security rests in God, not in the numbers on our bank statement.

I hope you’ll come back to read the full post for each point (which I’ll be publishing weekly), and that you will be as richly blessed as I have by these life-changing lessons.

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Go to LIFE LESSON #1 >>