Lesson #2: Laughter is Good Medicine

If you had asked me before I married what I wanted in a husband, “a good sense of humor” would not have been the first thing that sprang to mind. No, I was looking for a smart, solid Christian who loved kids, wanted a bunch of them, and was open to homeschooling. Being “tall, dark, and handsome” was not essential, but would be a much-appreciated bonus (especially the “tall” part, as I’m 5’11″ myself). That I should try to find “an animated storyteller with an infectious laugh” never even occurred to me.

Fortunately, God ignored that oversight and gave me a man who was not only everything I dreamed of, but was witty, playful, and spontaneous, too. My husband knows how to make me laugh! A slight tilt of his head or a knowing wink can instantly bring an amused smile to my face. A cleverly turned phrase or droll observation will get me to giggling. But when Doug tells a story, he uses his whole body to act it out, sending our entire family into hysterics with deep, uproarious laughter that leaves our sides aching afterwards. How dull and dreary my life might have been without all that!

It is with good reason the Bible tells us to “rejoice always.” (1 Thess. 5:16, Phil. 4:4). Science has demonstrated time and again that our attitudes and dispositions have a profound effect upon our immune function. Joyous, mirthful laughter really is good medicine. (see Prov. 17:22) Here are just a few of the many great things a good belly-laugh does for you:

• Improves Health – laughter boosts your immunity and wards off disease by increasing killer cell activity
• Brightens Mood – laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals in our brains
• Relieves Tension – laughter reduces stress, fear, and anxiety while relaxing muscles throughout the body
• Increases Energy – laughter helps us to recharge and refocus, to work harder and accomplish more
• Defuses Conflict – laughter keeps disagreements and disputes from becoming dirty or divisive
• Provides Perspective – laughter makes both minor inconveniences and major adversities more bearable
• Promotes Humility – the ability and willingness to laugh at oneself is an invaluable character trait

I’m convinced that all the laughing my husband and I have done over the past 25 years has not only helped our bodies stay healthy, but has kept our marriage healthy, as well. We laugh at silly songs and corny poems we’ve been making up since we first met. We laugh at funny movies, like Princess Bride and Dan in Real Life. We laugh about our children’s antics, like the toddler who decided just before party guests arrived to completely re-paper our bathroom in maxi-pads. We laugh over embarrassing mistakes, like the time my husband used his cell phone to video our baby toddling around the bathroom, then showed it to a couple dozen coworkers before realizing he’d inadvertently captured me in the background, sitting on the toilet with my pants around my knees. (At least he hadn’t posted it on YouTube!)

What has gotten the biggest laugh out of you recently? We’d love for you to share it, so the rest of us can laugh along

Go to LIFE LESSON #3 >>

If you’d like to read further on this fascinating topic, check out the following articles and resources:

Health Benefits of
Humor and Laughter

The Healing Power
of Laughter

Feeling Good
is Good for You

How Laughter
Works

My “Do It Now” List

As important as it is to remember that life doesn’t end when our last child leaves home, it is even more imperative for us to recognize that that time will arrive much sooner than we think.

Which is why, on the back of my “Empty Nest List”, I keep a “Do It Now List” — for all those fleeting pleasures I want to enjoy to the fullest while I still have the opportunity to do so:

- Rocking my babies
- Hugging my toddlers
- Encouraging my teens
- Loving my husband
- Praying with my family
- Taking bike rides
- Serving delicious meals
- Reading classics aloud
- Calling my mother
- Counting my blessings

It is often the small things that mean the most to our little ones — homemade cookies fresh from the oven, a love note tucked under their pillow, a pat on the back for a job well done, a smile when they enter the room. If we are not intentional about how we invest our short time together, we will find it slipping through our fingers. And once it’s gone, there’s no getting it back.

My Empty Nest List

I distinctly remember crying when my firstborn was only four days old, because our time together was ticking by so fast. And sure enough, it seems like I barely blinked before he was grown and gone, with a wife and four sons of his own.

Although I still had nine little chicks in my nest when that first one fledged and flew away (and have added a couple more hatchlings since), I realized with a wince that, one by one, his siblings would soon follow. The next two are perched on the edge even now and will have flown off for good by late spring.

It’s a bittersweet time for mama bird. I’m proud and excited to see them go, so full of promise and potential, yet I’m painfully aware that our home will never be the same without them.

It’s hard to let go, and I don’t anticipate the process getting any easier. So several years ago, I began to compile what I call my empty nest list.

Some of the items on the list are things I enjoyed in earlier seasons of my life and would like to revisit:

• backpacking Europe
• singing with the symphony
• teaching calculus
• painting porcelain

Some activities are things I’ve never tried but am intrigued by:

• glass blowing
• salsa dancing
• mountain climbing
• scuba diving

Some are opportunities to minister in ways that my current responsibilities don’t allow:

• rocking babies in Russian orphanages
• counseling women through Crisis Pregnancy Centers
• feeding the hungry in Third World countries
• accompanying my husband on medical mission trips

Some entail expanding my skills in current areas of interest:

• writing and publishing prolifically
• memorizing large portions of scripture
• learning to play a few beloved classics on the piano
• becoming fluent in Spanish, German, French, and Chinese

Some involve traveling to places I’ve never been before:

• Beijing
• Costa Rico
• Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
• The Moon

My original list is impossibly long, with more on it than one could hope to squeeze into a single lifetime. Some of the ideas may lose their charm long before I have time to devote to them, but that is okay. It was never meant to be a bucket list of exploits to check off before I die.

Rather, it was intended to serve as a reminder that life doesn’t stop when your last child leaves the nest. All sorts of new and exciting possibilities await, even after this precious, fleeting season of child-rearing comes to its inevitable end.

In the wise words of Dr. Seuss, we “don’t cry because it’s over, [we] smile because it happened.”

And then we do the next thing. What will yours be?

How Will You Be Remembered?

An interviewer once asked Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison how she had become such a great writer. Did she study a particular method? Read books to hone her craft? Study under famous authors?

To which Morrison laughed and replied, “Oh, no, that is not why I am a great writer. I am a great writer because when I was a little girl and walked into a room where my father was sitting, his eyes would light up. That is why I am a great writer. There isn’t any other reason.”*

I find this story both encouraging and convicting. Encouraging, because it shows what a profound effect this man’s love for his daughter had upon her development. Convicting, because it begs the question, How will my children will remember me?

Will they remember a mother who took utter delight in their company? Or one who was too distracted to notice when they entered a room?

Will they recall eyes that danced as she listened to their stories with unfeigned interest? Or eyes that drifted back to an iPhone or computer screen before half a dozen words were uttered?

Will their minds replay the unceasing stream of affirmation, love, encouragement, and respect that flowed from their mother’s lips? Or will they be haunted by criticism, disapproval, and remarks made in anger or frustration?

Will they envision a mother who willingly laid aside projects, plans, and pastimes whenever she heard them call, “Look, Mom! Watch me, Mom! Mom! You’ve got to see this…”? Or will they remember a mom too busy to be bothered?

Will they remember a mother who smiled?

The mother I want my children to remember in the future is the mother I must be in the here and now.

How do you want your children to remember you? What steps will you take today to make today to make those memories happen?

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Further reading on related topics, may I suggest:

One Awesome Piece of Advice Every Parent Should Know by Darlene Schacht (The Time Warp Wife)
Missing More Than Life by Rachel Stafford (Hands Free Mama)
The Interrupted Life by Charlotte Siems (This Lovely Place)

*As quoted by Nancy Campbell on page 362 of her newest book, CHEER UP!

Our Family’s Newest Christmas Tradition

After our six-year-old was diagnosed with diabetes just before Thanksgiving, our family was invited to take part in a study aimed at discovering the cause of Type 1 diabetes and finding ways to prevent it. We were great candidates — twelve biologically-related children in a single family, three of whom have Type 1.

When we first agreed to be screened, we assumed we were signing up for a one-time finger prick, but it was actually more involved than that. A full vial of blood was required from each child, as well as from their father and our grandsons. (Luckily Unfortunately, I missed the age cut-off by a few months myself and was therefore ineligible to participate).

The staff who were taking the samples were very kind and extremely good at what they do. They made it easy for our children to bravely submit to the blood draws, although we’re all grateful we don’t have to endure four blood tests and four shots a day like their brothers. If any of the screens come back positive, we’ll get to do this all over again. If they are negative, guess what? The kids can still come back every year for another blood draw until they turn eighteen.

So we’re adding this event to our “Christmas Countdown Calendar.” It’s our newest Christmas tradition, and one we’d highly recommend to any other family affected by Type 1 diabetes.

Putting It in Perspective

I don’t know who wrote the following poem, but it is a good reminder that we should “not despise the day of small things.” This season of life will be over before we know it, and won’t I miss it when it’s gone!.

My days are days of small affairs,
Of trifling worries, little cares,
A lunch to pack, a tea to make,
A room to sweep, a pie to bake,
A hurt to less, a tear to dry,
A head to brush, a bow to tie,
A face to wash, a rent to mend,
A meal to plan, a fuss to end,
A hungry husband to be fed,
A sleepy child to put to bed.
I, who’d hoped someday to gain
Success, perhaps a bit of fame,
Must give my life to small affairs
Of trifling worries, little cares.
But, should tomorrow bring a change,
My little house grow still and strange—
Should all the cares I have today
Be swept, quite suddenly, away—
Where now a hundred duties press
Be but an ache of loneliness,
No child’s gay ribbons to be tied,
No wayward little feet to guide,
To heaven I would raise my prayers,
“Oh God, give back my little cares.”

~Author Unknown

A Sure-Fire Way to Wipe Out Whining

If you’ve ever had a child who is given to whining, you know how grating it can get on the nerves of every member of the household.

We do our children no favors by letting them get away with such behavior; nevertheless, I think mothers, especially, are prone to make excuses for this bad habit. “He missed his nap. He’s feeling sick. He’s hungry.”

It’s time we crack down on all the constant complaining. Are you with me? Then join my campaign to wipe out whining. The task will take heaping helpings of the following ingredients:

* Commitment – Explain to your little one that his behavior is making it hard for anyone to enjoy his company. Assure him that you love him regardless how he acts, but that you want other people to love him, too, so you’re going to do whatever it takes to help him break his bad habit of whining.

* Consequences – When parents give in to whining, they reward and reinforce such behavior. This must stop immediately. If you hope to help your child overcome this habit, you must make certain his whining never pays off. If he is begging for something he doesn’t really need, like candy at the checkout counter, then deprive him of it completely. If he is whining for something he genuinely does need, like a drink of water when he’s thirsty, then insist that he ask nicely before you give it.

* Cheerfulness – Be careful to model a cheerful, happy disposition yourself. If you are angry and impatient in your responses to your child, your efforts to modulate his behavior will fall flat. In the above example, when your little boy whines for water, fill the cup, get down on his level, smile broadly, and prompt him, “Do you remember the nice way to ask?” Or simply say the words you want and let him parrot them back: “Water, please?” If you’ll teach your child how to say please in sign language (by rubbing his open hand on his chest in a circular motion), then you can even help him “say please” when he is too upset to utter the words. Gently guide his hand through the motion, then respond enthusiastically, “See? Isn’t that a much nicer way to ask?” as you give him his water.

* Compassion – Keep in mind that language skills vary greatly from child to child. One two-year old may be able to say, “Mommy, I feel thirsty. May I have a small glass of water, please?” while the next can barely string two words together, especially when he’s upset. A child’s mind develops much faster than his ability to communicate, and the results can be frustrating for everybody involved. Ensure that older siblings are sensitive to this fact, as well. They must be made to realize that sometimes little brother whines because he doesn’t yet have the words to express, “I don’t like it when you tease me, so stop doing that!”

* Consistency – You cannot crack down on whining one day, ignore it the next, reward it the following, and expect that approach to work. Consistency is of vital importance in conquering the bad habit of whining. But consistency is also important in children’s schedules, especially at this age. Young children are prone to be cranky whenever they are tired and/or hungry, so keeping to a predictable schedule for meals and naptimes will go a long way in helping your child maintain a more pleasant disposition throughout this “stage” of life.

* Contentment - And last, but not least, remember that we teach best by example. If you find yourself murmuring more than you care to admit or even throwing an occasional tantrum, it could mean that your child has come by his whining honestly. By focusing on the positive, we can replace inner grumbling and complaints with gratitude and contentment. And joy begets joy just as surely as discontent breeds discontent. Keep it up, and your children will eventually catch your enthusiasm for living.

Note: This post was adapted from the April issue of “Family Times,” which is a monthly column I write for THE NORTHEAST TEXAN.

Stick to the Path

“How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps.” (Proverbs 20:24, New Living Translation)

If we consider a hike through the woods as a metaphor for the Christian walk, it is easy to understand our need to stay on the narrow way. To leave that path is to risk danger, disorientation, and destruction. That makes sense. We get it.

What is surprising is that we can sometimes feel lost and alone, even when we’ve been careful to stick to the path and not wander off. Sometimes life’s circumstances deal heavy blows, and we cannot begin to imagine God’s purpose in allowing such things. We feel abandoned.

I remember taking my children on an outing to the park many years ago. We packed a picnic and ate in the cool shade of the woods surrounding the playground. After we had finished our lunch, I gave the kids permission to play among the trees, provided they stay where I could see them. They enjoyed a rousing game of tag with friends while moms visited nearby.

After a while, I noticed my third-born, who was only four or five at the time, standing next to a tree with his hands over his face. At first I assumed the children had moved on to hide-n-seek and that David was “it,” but as I watched, it became apparent my little one wasn’t counting — he was crying. Although my eyes had been on him the entire time, he’d lost sight of me and had become frightened. I ran to comfort and reassure him that just because he couldn’t see me didn’t mean I had quit watching him.

I like to reflect on that distant afternoon as I travel along life’s path, especially when the way seems dark or threatening. We may not always know what lies around the next bend, we may not fully perceive God’s abiding presence, we may not understand the route He asks us to follow, but we can rest assured that He loves us, that He guides our steps, and that His eyes are upon us the entire way.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” (Psalm 37:23-24)

Have You Hugged Your Kids Today?

If you haven’t already hugged your kids today, here are ten good reasons to do so now. And if you have, here’s a bunch of good excuses to hug them again.

1. Hugs are nice.

2. Hugs give you a good feeling inside.

3. Kids need hugs to stay healthy. I once read — although I cannot for the life of me remember where — that for optimal health, kids need a minimum of seven hugs a day.

4. So do parents.

5. Hugs mean “I love you.”

6. Hugs get you close enough to actually whisper “I love you”  right in their ear.

7. Hugs also make it easier to pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them.

8. Hugs can sometimes lead to tickling, which leads to laughter, which is also good medicine.

9. Hugs are fun.

10. Kids grow up fast. Once they leave home, you won’t be able to just hug them anytime you feel like it. So you’d better hug them now while you’ve got the chance. Especially the teenaged ones.

And while you are doling out hugs, be sure to give a few to your spouse, as well. You’ll want to be well-practiced for when your nest is empty. Otherwise, you may have a hard time keeping up with that seven-per-day quota.

The #1 Choking Hazard

Do you know what the #1 choking hazard for children is?

I thought I knew. After all, that has been my husband’s catchphrase for more than two decades now.

“Don’t let the baby get hold of that,” he warns with predictable frequency, “it’s the number one choking hazard.”

I’ve always accepted this statement without question, assuming Doug was citing some statistic he’d learned back in medical school. However, one of my children recently brought to my attention the fact that their father has conferred this top honor upon a wide and varied array of household items over the years: hot dogs, marbles, grapes, gum, balloons, buttons, quarters, peanuts, and anything made out of Play-doh or Crayola Magic modeling compound.

Essentially, the #1 choking hazard  at our house is whatever small, forgotten trinket or crusty crumb the baby is currently intent on dragging out from under the sofa cushion or scavenging off the kitchen floor. Just yesterday, I had to pry from her grubby fingers a stale goldfish cracker, a shard of plastic from a broken CD case, the head of a lego mini-figure, and a square-inch scrap of cellophane wrap — all in a span of about three minutes.

So, what is the most common choking culprit? The question begs an answer, so I Googled “#1 choking hazard” to satisfy my curiosity. The answer? “FOOD!” Can you imagine that?

A 2008 study from the American Academy of Pediatrics was a little more helpful. It listed the top-ten offenders:

1. Hot dogs
2. Peanuts
3. Carrots
4. Boned chicken
5. Candy
6. Meat
7. Popcorn
8. Fish with bones
9. Sunflower seeds
10. Apples

Sunflower seeds? Really?

Conspicuously absent from this list are any of the items our own children actually have choked on during their short lives, and I mean fully-obstructed, turning-blue, Heimlich-remediated choking. Had anyone warned us of the dangerous potential of these items , we’d have been much more careful. So as a public service announcement, I want to advise my readers to exercise extreme caution when offering their children donut holes. Or fried mozzarella. Or tiny toy helicopters with detachable propellers. After all, that’s the #1 choking hazard. At our house. For now.